Sunday, February 26, 2012 (Confess)

I have never had such a strong desire to write my journal for awhile. I am so excited to share my opinions and am willing to confess the truth. 
Honestly, I have lost my interest in studying and had no goals to achieve. Though I got good grades, I wasn't satisfied since my heart was void. Why did I care about my grades? I lost myself in a labyrinth called life. Life was too simple while it has no meaning to me. I couldn't understand why I didn't have motivation to study. I fell asleep when I was studying and couldn't concentrate and focus on my work. Since when, I became a robot who had no desire to study? I felt sad and sorry for myself but I couldn't find a way to regain my interest. I have experienced a tough life in local school because I had tests every single day. TESTS. TESTS. TESTS. That's all I had to prepare every day. My mood was capricious because I had too much to worry. However, something changed my life in local school and brought me a beam of bright light--novels. I used to study in library by myself every Sunday. Library was meaningful to me because I had a strong connection with it. Studying by myself in a library was effective. However, there was a heaven in library. When I rested and literally tricked my parents in order to read the novels for 1.5 hours, my heart pumped hard and fast but I was extremely excited to read novels. Reading novels was my best enjoyment ever. After I read few chapters of novels, I would work harder to finish the practice books since I felt guilty. Unfortunately, life in PAS was so simple and easy that I had a bunch of free time. When my local-school classmates were working hard every day, I was wasting my time and dilly-dallying. I didn't have to work hard to get straight As but I felt an unexplained void. Getting good grades became easy while I gradually adapted in the new environment. In the meanwhile, I lost my interest and future goals because life was too easy. What should I do?